If You’re a Boomer, and it’s a Pandemic, You're Going to Want to Make This One New Year’s Resolution

Boomers feel the need to do things our own way. So no surprise that we’re having troubles figuring out whether or not to bother making New Year’s resolutions for 2021. I mean, really — what’s the point?

Well, there actually is a point, but our resolutions this year need to be very focused in a way they aren’t usually. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to make just one single resolution. But before we start, let’s look at how seniors are dealing with the pandemic in general.

First, we’re having troubles accepting our position as seniors during the pandemic. Well, we were having troubles accepting that title before the pandemic, because we didn’t think we were really getting old. Just like we thought we had done with everything else, we thought we were doing the business of getting older not just differently from, but also better than our parents. We were in better physical and mental shape than our parents had been when they were our age. We were still active long past the age when our parents had settled into life as seniors — some of us still working, some of us traveling, some of us starting new careers, some of us starting new relationships.

But then came the pandemic and things changed, even if we didn’t. Suddenly, we are among the more vulnerable population. We were among those who were dying from COVID-19, and we were now part of a group considered vulnerable. Many of us refused to accept this label, and continued to act as we had always acted — as though we were special, invulnerable, different from everyone else. We refused to accept that those early grocery store hours for seniors and physically compromised individuals were meant for us. But then friends started getting sick from the coronavirus. Some died. And suddenly, we were first in line when the flu shots were released in August, 2020.

I wrote about the irony of conflicts between Boomers, many of whom rebelled against our own parents, and our children in November, 2019, before the pandemic hit. But generational skirmishes have escalated since then. Sometimes seniors (yes, I’m using the dreaded word — sorry!) have been busy socializing in ways their children found dangerous and disturbing; and sometimes the complaints have been the opposite, that younger generations were not socially distancing or wearing masks. The holidays have increased some of these disagreements, with parents of young children refusing to spend time with their own parents, because of either the danger of exposing grandparents to the virus that might be carried by children who have been in school, or a desire to protect their children from grandparents who have not been following adequate safety precautions.

In either case, we, the grandparents, are finding ourselves in the awkward position of being defined as the “self-centered elderly” — neither of which is a title we’re ready to own.

The truth is, as older friends have told me for years, “aging is not for the weak at heart.” But here’s a challenge for us, my boomer friends and siblings: Can we resolve to actually do this thing they call aging in a way that will make our children and grandchildren proud? Can we show what we’re made of by turning age into an honorific rather than a state to be denied?

Award-winning author Georgia Clark, founder of Generation Women, a monthly event in New York City dedicated to intergenerational storytelling, said in an interview with author Kells McPhillips that one of the changes for women in their sixties and seventies women is that they are “less concerned with ‘Who am I dating?’ and more focused on ‘What are my needs?’”

Traditionally focusing on your own needs is considered selfish and ungenerous, the opposite of maternal and feminine, and also the opposite of what the psychoanalyst Erik Erikson suggested was the aim of the last stages of human life. If you’re interested in reading more about Erikson’s famous stages of life, Kendra Cherry does a great job summarizing them. For Erikson, Cherry writes, the goals of the seventh, or penultimate stage of life involved “making commitments to other people, developing relationships with family, mentoring others and contributing to the next generation.” And the goals of the last stage, was trying to decide whether or not you have lived a “meaningful, satisfying life.”

All Boomers currently fall into one of these two last stages of life. But rather than making peace with our age in a traditional way, many of us, along with the generations that came before us are still living rich, full, and meaningful lives. Like many of my peers, I am still working full-time as a psychotherapist via telemental health platforms. Some of my friends and colleagues are retired and, prior to the pandemic, were enjoying life in ways that our parents never imagined. One friend who had been exercising regularly since retirement told me recently that she was stronger than she had ever been before.

Yet some have also been struggling with illness — some age-related, some pandemic-related, and some just bad luck — and facing factors related to aging that cannot be ignored. Some of us are demonstrably weaker than we once were. Others are dealing with death, their own or that of their long-term partners.

And the pandemic has underscored some of our fragility. My own husband, ten years older than I am, has been dealing with the consequences of several physical difficulties during the pandemic. Friends are facing similar struggles. We might have been able to deny our age prior to COVID, but it’s much harder to do so.

So what’s a Boomer to do?

Erikson’s suggestions are still useful for us Boomers in the pandemic. Obviously, it’s still important to take care of ourselves, and to take care of our loved ones. But there are other things we can be doing, things that can contribute to others while also providing needed stimulation for our brains and crucial social contact while we’re waiting for the vaccine to take hold.

It all comes down to this: find something that gives meaning to your life in the here and now.

Learn something new: My daughter-in-law taught me to crochet over the summer, and I am busy making lumpy scarves and hats for all of my loved ones. They get a laugh at my efforts, but they seem to appreciate that I’m thinking of them. And I’m getting better! Maybe one of these days I’ll try something a little more complicated. But you can try to learn a language, or a new computer program, or how to draw, or…whatever you want!!! Who knew we would suddenly be blessing the internet instead of cursing it, but these days, you can even take piano lessons online if you want! (My piano teacher, in her eighties, learned how to use Zoom so that we could continue studying together while we are both sheltering in place!)

Be creative with family connections: One grandmother I know is writing a memoir for her grandchildren. Another is taking pictures of the birds she sees outside her window, sending the photos to her grandchildren, and making up stories to share with them via Zoom. A beloved great uncle is teaching all of his nieces, nephews and their offspring to make his own grandmother’s lasagna, which has traditionally been one of the central dishes at family holiday celebrations.

Nurture connections: Stay in touch with people. It takes an effort, but it’s worth it. Reconnect with an old friend or talk with loved ones (safely — remotely or with appropriate social distancing, of course!).

Make up with someone from whom you are estranged. Apologize for something you are sorry about.

Make new friends. Yes, it can be done, although you do have to be careful, of course. Don’t give out personal information to anyone you don’t know. But attend some lectures, take a class, listen to music, go to a play online. Join a discussion group. Use caution, just as you would if you were meeting people in person.

Do something for others: A friend who is alone during the pandemic transports food pantry items. He picks up contributions from people who are sheltering at home and delivers packages to families without transportation. He maintains safe social distance and wears a mask at all times, but he gets much needed social contact from families who come to the door to thank him and ask how he’s doing.

Another friend, a bridge player for most of his life, has started offering online bridge classes, providing distraction, social contact, and a sense of accomplishment to numerous students — and for himself.

So Boomers — make at least this one New Year’s Resolution this year: To embrace your age and find at least one way to give meaning to this moment in your life.

123RF Stock Image ID : 143801362 Tatiana Gladskikh